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Finding out more about my birth mother – part 3

Meeting Evie’s neighbours

I confess I was quite nervous driving to meet Evie’s nearby neighbours. They apparently knew her quite well, helped her at the end, and so on, so I hoped to hear lots of stories. The mother was around our age, so early 60s, whereas Evie would have been 90 by now so I suspect they didn’t socialise as much as I had hoped. Consequently, there weren’t too many stories, especially as she didn’t speak English and we don’t (yet) speak Portuguese. Luckily, her son Marcelo was there to translate. He explained that Evie had talked about me but said that I had passed away, much easier to explain than the circumstances surrounding my birth and subsequent adoption. Marcelo said my birth-mother had felt he was like a son to her, often helping her out! I can imagine as he seemed very nice, kind and helpful. It was sweet to meet Bambi, Evie’s elderly dog who amazingly enough was still alive, albeit covered in lumps & bumps.

Vinden with Evie’s cute elderly dog….

We pondered knocking on the door of Evie’s old house but felt that was an imposition and we could be anyone! Marcelo had to go back to work, so couldn’t hang around to act as a go-between to verify that Evie had indeed been the owner of the property, so we could have been just ‘casing the joint’! I still had a cheeky pic taken by the house….

Evie’s friends

Evie’s neighbour gave me a batch of photos, which I’ve shared with the family. A woman called Barb (Clements?) is pictured quite often and seems talented as photos of her paintings are very nice. A close friend I would imagine.

Barb in green dress

One of the pics is of a work group I believe, so they may have been Evie’s former colleagues. My next challenge to so track them down. Might be challenging after 25-30 years or more since they may have worked together!

No idea!

We found out that a chap who is an actor was a good friend of Evie’s when she lived in London. He was very helpful and phoned me with some background information on my birth-mother. They had a shared love of theatre and a similar sense of humour. He sounded quite cautious and voiced his concerns over Evie’s more que sera sera attitude to life. He worried that she didn’t save much, did things on a whim, moved countries without much research, flitting from Portugal to Spain, finding she didn’t love it and moving back to Portugal, losing money in the process. Interestingly for me, Eve (my wife not my birth-mum, Evie!) and I lived part-time in Spain for 5 years but decided against buying a forever retirement home there too! Portugal also ‘spoke to us’ more than Spain. Genes will out perhaps?!

View from our apartment in Andalusia, Spain

We also met another person for lunch from whom Evie adopted a cat. Sadly, another lady who said she was good friends with Evie had to postpone meeting or chatting with us as she was diagnosed with cancer. Hope to catch up with her once she’s feeling up to it.

So, in summary, it seems that Evie was a sociable, warm-hearted, kind person who loved dogs, cats, flowers, wine & sunshine! I see so many similarities between me and my birth-mum!

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Finding out more about my birth mother – part two

For those who are interested and who haven’t read the first instalment on my blog of my research into the circumstances surrounding my adoption, check it out here:
https://vindengrace.com/announcements/adoption-a-tale-of-two-mothers/

Zip forward 5 months and….

The two biggest confirmations in this search to learn more about who my birth-mother, Evie or Evelyn was, were the positive power of social media and the kindness of strangers. Sometimes social media gets a bad rap but, in the main, we have found it to be positive and supportive. Divisive times such as American elections, the UK’s Brexit and the ‘pandemic’ have sadly polarised opinions, and constant negativity in the mainstream media has caused people to feel stressed, frightened and angry. The outcome or by-product of this is that folks lash out on social media (a) because they can and (b) because they’re frightened and stressed.

Staying down in the Algarve for six weeks is providing a fantastic opportunity for us to explore the area where Evie had retired to when she left the UK. We had previously found out ~ 6 months ago from my cousin where her aunt, Evie, had lived in Portugal. So we arranged to stay only about 20 minutes away from there. I posted on some niche Facebook groups, one of which was an expat group, another which is a regional group for the area near where she lived. A photograph of Evie and a little bit of background about her and why I was searching for those who knew her yielded results within an hour or two! I had lots of post ‘likes’ and people commenting that they thought they knew her or knew someone who knew her, and they would get back to me! I was really pleased and so grateful for the kindness of people who wanted to be supportive and assist in any way they could.

Through Facebook, we found the son of Evie’s next-door neighbour here. It transpires that his mum looked after Evie towards the end of her life and even took on her cute dog called Bambi when my birth-mum transitioned. I believe the mother and son were also helpful regarding post-death activities / paperwork to Eve’s two nieces, one of whom inherited her home. (I’d had no contact with my birth-mother.) Another strange coincidence was that a woman from Canada posted in one of these Facebook groups that she used to come on holiday to a property very close by Evie’s house and it transpired that her uncle had sold the home to my birth mum and then bought it back again when the niece who inherited it sold it. Evie’s next-door neighbour’s son (still with me?!) even offered for my wife and I to stay with them and explore the area, but as we’re only 20 minutes away, it wasn’t necessary, but it was an incredibly kind thought and typical of the Portuguese we’ve met so far.

So we should be going to visit the area, see the house where she spent her retirement years, and learn more about her over the next few weeks. I know almost nothing about her in truth….. Stories about Evie picking up her (now deceased) sister from Faro airport on a scooter or moped are just the kind of thing that will be fun to hear. So far it seems she loved flowers, (her house was even called ‘house of flowers’ in Portuguese), cats and dogs and a glass of wine, (not sure in which order of priority!) all of which speak to me enormously! Genes will out…. I have to say I’m feeling a little nervous about meeting people who knew her. I suppose part of that is because they knew her whereas I didn’t, and I feel that I should, and one only wants to hear good things about people who are important in your life. Like us all, she was only human so I’m not expecting perfection. I know I’m certainly not perfect, but I’m hoping to hear pleasant things.

My adoptive parents Pammy & Freddy Grace set the bar really high as they were wonderfully kind and thoughtful people….. Once I hear more stories about her I’ll report back for blog instalment number three. Exciting times! Wish me luck….

Evie / Evelyn
Vinden with adoptive mum Pammy plus family Lab, Bruce.
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Adoption & A Tale Of Two Mothers

Having been told when I was 5 or 6 that I was adopted, I always wondered what led to that happening. A part of me used to wonder if I was unworthy so I do think being ‘given up for adoption’ (deliberate use of words there) affected my self-confidence.

My wife Eve and I trained as coaches and that, plus the NLP training all helped my self-confidence for sure. I recommend personal development courses for everyone!

My adoptive parents, Pam and Fred Grace, brought me great happiness. I knew that they would be upset if I searched for my birth parents while they were alive. My wish though was to meet my birth mother and tell her I had incredibly loving, kind, and inspirational adoptive parents. Mum and Dad lived a long time, both passing within a year of each other at 92.  

After my personal development training, I started discreetly trying to find out more about the background to my adoption, with the intention of not trying to contact my birth mother until my adoptive parents had transitioned. Around 2007, the story started to emerge. It transpired that when my Irish birth mother was pregnant with me, she was living in London (where I was born) separated from her Irish husband, who denied being my father. I imagine it must have been really challenging being an Irish Catholic mother in the 50s giving birth to a child that wasn’t your husband’s, so I can understand her going the adoption route. What I wanted was to be able to meet her and explain that I understood her reasoning and didn’t hold it against her…. Plus I’d had a very happy childhood.

After my English adoptive parents died (2015 and 2016), I started to search via people tracing services and my social services counsellor for my birth mother without success. (Sidenote: I ended up counselling my counsellor about her teenage son, so the courses definitely paid off!)

I decided to apply for an Irish passport to make life in the EU easier post-Brexit as we wanted to spend summers in either Spain or Portugal (we winter in Florida). (Eve’s maternal grandmother was Irish, so she is applying for an Irish passport too.) One of the requirements for the Irish passport is my birth mother’s ID or her death certificate, so I asked a genealogist to see what he could find out so that we could obtain one or t’other. Bless him, after he found out online that my birth mother had passed away in 2013, a few years before my English parents (still with me?!) he contacted other members of her family by phone and so, within a day, I had new cousins! Quite a shock for them, which is another reason I held back from trying to contact her or her family.

We found out that my birth mother spent her final years in…… Portugal! Coincidentally, the country in Europe that we had chosen to register in and spend our summers! We rented in and registered for residence in Portugal in a town called Albufeira on the Algarve as they are very expat-friendly there and my Irish birth mother Evelyn, (known as Evie, one of my pet names for my wife Eve!) lived out her final years in Loulé, a mere half an hour from where we’re staying!

I’ve been corresponding with two of her nieces & sent them a link to our UK TV Channel 4 ‘A Place In The Sun’ episode, filmed in Florida, so they can ‘meet us virtually’ as I’m sure it’ll be quite some time before we can get to Cork & mingle freely. Looking forward to it!

Life Lessons so far:

* People often have very good reasons for their actions. Try to understand those reasons first before being judgmental or feeling you must have done something wrong or not been good enough

* Out of trauma (adoption say) can come good things, like wonderful adoptive parents

* Genes will out….. (Nature vs nurture) My birth mother ended up in Portugal and so have I!

To be continued….

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Granada – A Wonderful Place (New Home For Summers?)!

My wonderful wife, Eve Grace-Kelly, arranged a great trip to Granada, Spain for my birthday this year. It’s only a 2-3 hour drive from our Spanish home of the last 4 years (when we weren’t in Herefordshire or gorgeous Cheltenham, where we’ve recently bought a lovely 3 storey Victorian terrace property).

It’s only now that we’ve managed to visit Granada and what a lovely city! It has lots of culture, fab architecture, an expat community and the Sierra Nevada mountains for walking or even ski-ing.

One of the 21st century challenges with being able to work from anywhere is where on earth (literally!) shall we settle?! We have visas to stay in the USA for up to 6 months of each year for the next 10 years, so we’ll vacation there, principally in Florida, where we are setting up a property investment fund business. The difficulty then is, where do we spend the other 6 months? I know – a nice problem to have! We love Moraira in Spain so that’s a possibility. Then we love Portugal, so that’s an option…. Now we’ve discovered Granada, we’re wondering – do we spent 6 months of each year near the beaches of Florida and 6 months in a big city like Granada, getting our city vibe fix that way?

Here is a selection of photos….

 

 

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Property or Real-Estate Developments: Uncovering The Hidden Value

News Update on our East Midlands Property Developments

We’re delighted to have finally obtained planning permission to convert the outbuildings (Stables, stores, etc.) owned by our JV property vehicle, grace kelly churchill property ventures LLP, into 4 apartments!

Now to get the schedule of works out to builders for their quotes.

The beauty of this deal, that I found while browsing the web from our place on Spain’s Costa Almeria, overlooking the sea, is that the substantial outbuildings were essentially free, as the deal stacked up anyway just with converting the main house and shop into a 6-7 bed HMO (House of Multiple Occupation)!

When assessing where to invest, we always seek the hidden value so that we “de-risk” the investment and potentially add extra profit into the deal.

Watch this space for more news on this project.

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Wintering in Spain

That’s it! fed up with the grim English winters, we’ve relocated to the sunny Almeria region of Spain….

We have a few projects to conclude out there, including:

  • Finishing updates to our book and home-study course on how to sell property or real-estate
  • An online academy for life coaches
  • More marketing of our online personal development program
  • Aviation industry-related coaching
  • Etc!

We might even find time to snap up a few Spanish property bargains to go into our international portfolio together with other properties we’ve bought abroad!
(Amidst chilling in the sunshine with coffee on our morning terrace, with views towards the sea about a mile away and sipping white wine on the afternoon terrace 🙂  )

Watch this space for updates.

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Internet Marketing – Lessons Learned: What I Wish I’d Known When I Started

Internet Marketing is a fascinating ‘occupation’ but like any career, job, it’s not without its drawbacks.

For 2 out of the last 3 years, we’ve been on holiday / vacation with 400+ other Internet Marketing colleagues, friends, acquaintances and joint venture partners. Spending a week in the winter cruising around the Caribbean tends to let down guards, enhance existing relationships, let you make new friendships and get to know not only Internet Marketing peeps, but also their families, making it a well-rounded relationship. (It can seem a little disconnected if relationships are mostly virtual. That’s one reason why we go to a lot of conferences, seminars and workshops, not only in Internet Marketing, but also in our other niches of Property or Real Estate and Personal Development.)

Internet marketing cruise

One of our fellow Internet Marketing cruiser group has just quit his J.O.B. in London and gone full-time into Internet Marketing. He asked the question, what do yo wish you had known when you went full-time into Internet Marketing? What life lessons have you learned?

The key findings for me with respect to a full-time living from Internet Marketing were:

  • Get a great mentor early on, not years down the road

(Many thanks in my case to Tracy Repchuk (below), Rich Schefren & Mike Filsaime in Internet Marketing, plus Jonathan Jay and Peter Thomson plus Rich Schefren again, in business and marketing in general)

Internet marketing

  • As with mentoring, read about how others have achieved success, however they define that.
    I’m a lead author and co-editor of the Amazon best-selling business and personal coaching book ‘Ultimate Life Lessons’, www.UltimateLifelessons.com, together with my wife Eve Grace-Kelly and our friend and former mentor, Tracy Repchuk. Jonathan Jay kindly wrote the foreword for us. 6 of TV’s Secret Millionaires, from the programme of the same name, are featured in there too!
  • Treat IM initially as a job: don’t go off in a haphazard fashion on different directions.
    (Gotta watch those Internet Marketing folks: they’re pretty good at getting us to go after the next shiny object 😉 )

So, treat a project professionally as a ‘corporate’ project. Set goals, tasks and deadlines.
Despite being a former Project Manager, with blue-chip clients such as

  • WH Smith
  • UK Central Government (the Cabinet Office)
  • the NHS
  • J Sainsbury’s Head Office
  • Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs
  • National Power
  • the European Commission in Brussels (project managing the creation of the Single European Market)
  • NatWest Bank
  • Deutsche Bank
  • Robert Fleming
  • Digital and ICL

I didn’t treat my Internet Marketing projects as ‘proper projects’ as much as I should have in the early days. I’m much more rigorous now. (Our project management book can be found here.)

  • Focus & don’t procrastinate.
    (Our Focus book is available here.
    Our book on Overcoming Procrastination will be available here July 2012.)
  • Use tried & tested time management techniques.
  • Ensure you keep fit & healthy! You’ll be more productive & won’t damage your health.
  • Keep a good (for you) work-life balance. This way, you lessen your chances of burn-out.
    (See our blog here for more tips on this.)
  • Outsource early on. (We left this quite a way down the line.
    Now, we wouldn’t be without our VA (Virtual Assistant) & web development & SEO team!
    For free tips on what to outsource and how to outsource, see our reports here.)
  • Work out what success actually means to you! Don’t go chasing someone else’s idea of success. Create your own vision of success. For our fantastic value online coaching programme, Ultimate Personal Success, please visit here.

I hope that’s useful and lets you learn from my early mistakes in going full-time into Internet Marketing.

Best wishes,

Vinden Grace

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How To Get More Done: Outsourcing

Time cannot be reversed, or drastically slowed down so we can fit more in … can it?

We will all often hear people say that they simply do not have time to put in the amount of effort they need to really get their offline or online endeavours off the ground.

So why is it then that some people can? What I want to share with you today is a little process that could help you to get more done, a LOT more done…

We all have 24 hours in the day, so what can you do to turn that same amount of time you already have, in to something that provides you with tangible ‘results’…

Ultimately your efforts will be measured by what you’ve achieved, not on how busy you’ve been.

You need to have some idea of how long you are spending over the various elements of your offline or online endeavours…

Here’s a checklist by which to assess your activities…

Do you need to perform this task at all – is it indispensable to your progress?  For example, carrying out research into your niche or keywords for it, is absolutely vital when setting up a website or Google Adwords campaign perhaps, and time should be invested in this. On the other hand, if your website is entirely ready but not yet online because you spent a week looking for the ‘perfect’ header, then that is “lost time” Your website (and bank account!) can’t claw back that time and lost revenue that it wasn’t online. (It is important to ensure your sites look professional, and of a high quality, but finishing each of your projects and getting them earning money for you, is critical…)

If the assignment is vital, is there a different, easier, way of doing it? For example, if you want to construct your own website but you are still struggling with HTML or with getting to grips with Dreamweaver (very powerful but a bit daunting for non-techies), perhaps it would be easier to install something like WordPress instead? (It’s free and pretty user-friendly.) And if you’re still sending emails to your ‘list’ from your own mail account (and do please avoid free accounts like Hotmail and Yahoo if you wish to appear both professional and also not just a one-man band), maybe you could think about using autoresponder software instead? AWeber is inexpensive and easy to use. You can send out fancy-looking HTML newsletters with it and add opt-in forms on your WordPress site using it too.

If you’re still struggling – can you get someone else to do it for you? Our own efforts really took off when we stopped trying to do everything ourselves and started getting other people to do the things we found boring, or which would have presented us with a steep learning curve.

… And before you say ‘I can’t afford to outsource anything’, it may well be of use to add up the ‘real’ cost to you of not outsourcing. Using the economics term of ‘opportunity cost, remember the need to factor in your time spent carrying out tasks at which you’re not as good as someone else, the potential loss of online earnings whilst learning new skills, loss of time to spend on revenue-earning activities, etc.

This approach to time management really can do wonders for your productivity and bottom-line!

Remember that all of the extra time you create for yourself by making these decisions about where to focus your energies can be spent moving your business forward … or on personal activities like spending time with your family.

So the next time you feel like you’re suffering from overwhelm, take a moment or two and assess whether you need to be doing those tasks at all.  With a bit of research maybe you can find an easier way of doing it, or maybe get somebody else to do it entirely…

Check out our preferred outsourcers for high-quality, great value support.

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Business Tip from Vinden Grace

How would you like to work less and accomplish more?

The key is laziness. Implement an intelligent version of laziness.

Clever laziness involves recognising your strengths and weaknesses.

When you focus on your strengths, tasks are easy to accomplish.  Focusing on your weaknesses generally results in a lot of hard work.

Take for example, a body builder lifting a 120-kilo table up a flight of stairs.

The body builder can simply pick up the table and carry it up the flight of stairs in a minute or two.  While you, on the other hand, might struggle… needing to drag the table up the stairs. Or worse yet, you might take the table apart so you can carry up smaller, individual pieces.

A task that is easy for one person can be extremely difficult for another.  So the key is to figure out ways to eliminate or *delegate or outsource* your difficult tasks.

Ask yourself, what are your strengths and what are your weaknesses?  What tasks are very easy for you to accomplish and which are very difficult? Or what are the tasks over which you always procrastinate?

Make a list with your strengths on the left-hand side and your weaknesses on the right-hand side.  This list will become your guide to intelligent laziness.

Aim to eliminate the entire right-hand side of the page.  So essentially, all you’re left with are your strengths.

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